Hands Off, Ladies. This Handsome Boi is Taken: World, Meet Cheeze

Baby Cheeze-6 Weeks

The Hot-Cheeto-colored pile of rolls named Baby Cheeze was added to the pack in April 2021. My husband's soul-dog had passed away in 2018 and he wanted another lab-golden mix just like him. My husband couldn't find the breeder he got his original lab-golden from, so he found another breeder and put himself on the waiting list in 2020 (along with the rest of the world). After a long wait, on April 15, 2021, we drove out to Pennsylvania to pick up this lovable pile of noggin', mush, and paws.

Four years later, in early December 2025, Cheeze is about as smart as he was on the first day we picked him up, which is to say, not very (but he is VERY handsome). Not wanting to stress out Cheeze's one brain cell, we sat Cheeze down to for an interview and pitched him some softball questions. Please read on to learn more about the most handsome derp-ador you'll ever meet: Baby Cheeze.

Who is your favorite parent?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY MOMMY! SHE GIB ME BONES AND SNACKIES AND BALLS AND THE BEST SCRATCHIEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But that is your dad in the above picture giving you butt scratchin's. How do you feel about him?

Who?

What do you like to do in your free time?

FETCH! Play ball! AND FETCH!! SWIMMM!!!!!!!!!!FETCH!!!!

How do you feel about the geopolitics role involved in climate change?

.... [Cheeze farts and then the interview has to be temporarily put on hold while we all run for cover. ]

How did you break your toe?

I zoomied into the couch leg when I wuz a babie.

How did you break Aunt Michelle's knee?

Is is runned into her knee cap with my big head. (I is sorry, Aunt Meeshell.)

How did you bruise your mom's butt?

I knocked her off a pylon in the stream when I saw another swimmy hole I wanted to swim in instead of the swimmy hole I was already in.

How did you soak your dad's brand new sneakers?

Um. He wanted to go swimming with me (I'm pretty shure), so I knocked him off a pylon into the stream, too.

What is your love language?

FETCH... NO, BUTT SCRATCHINS....NO, FETCH...FETCH & BUTT SCRATCHINS.

How do you feel about other dogs who are not your sibs?

[Cheeze's voice drops 3 octaves here.] They can go fuck themselves. [Cheeze snaps out of it and returns to joyful self.]

Which of your mom's hobbies would you like to be a part of?

Ummmmmm...my momma she already tried skool with me, but I failed out of that. I is tried the running but, no. I is not like biking. I like sniffing and bike too fast. We is do lots of walkies. I heer mommy say "we is going to learn to paddle together damn it," so paddle? Whatever that is.

Which sib is your favorite?

Mabel. We is cuddle togethers and play togethers. I'm glad my daddy found her in the streetz and took her home to be my friend. I don't like Gussie. She's a meanie.

What is special skill that you have that your other siblings do not have?

I can get my leash tangled between my legs at least 30 times in one walk. Beat that, suckers.

What is your 5-year plan?

My 5-year plan is to play wrasslin' with my sister and try not to peg my mommy off of pylons...again.

And there you have it. I hope our insightful and scintillating interview questions helped you to get to know our 3rd furbaby a little better. Since we have gotten him, he's been nothing but a wrecking ball. He's broken his own toe and the bones of his human caretakers while trying to run around with that big ol' head. He rips my arms out my sockets daily trying to pounce on rabbits or fight with crows. He's fucking big.

Most morning, though, I wake up with him curled up next to me. He likes to be the little spoon and I get to sleep on the 2-inches of bed he leaves while I cuddle him. If I am in a chair-he's in the chair. If I'm on the couch-he's on the couch. Wherever I'm going, HE WANTS TO GO (as long a there are no other dogs around or people who want to pet his head.) If you yell at him even a little, he will cry himself to sleep and/or forget about it all within 2 minutes. I get frustrated with his bull-in-a-China-shop-feather-for-brains- personality (HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR SISTER?!?!? DON'T JUST STAND THERE AND LET HER BULLY YOU!?), but it's hard to stay mad when he just wants to be with his humans and play fetch and not worry about too much else (except when our next adventure will be and if he is coming or not!)